Hady Safa
Business Consultant - Author & Speaker

If the grass is greener on the other side it’s probably getting better care. Significance is a matter of making patterns of sticking to a formula. Hard work is one component, Opportunity is the other, multiplied by attitude… the magic word…You are responsible for how your life goes, and your attitude shapes that life for better or worse. Each of us creates his or her own life largely by our attitude, we all want good results, and a healthy attitude is our best guarantee.

Attitude is defined as the situation or behavior as indicating action, feeling or mood, and it is our actions, feelings or moods that determine the actions, feelings and moods of others. Our attitude tells the world what we expect in return, makes yours eager and jolly, and you get what you expect. You can control your attitude, set it each morning; the world will reflect back to you the attitude you present to them. It is then, our attitude toward life that determines life’s attitude toward us. We get back what we put out, others treat us as we treat them, they react to us. They only give us back a reflection of our own attitude.

Our environment reflects us, it is a mirror. Life is a repeat lobby of cause and effect, what we give we’ll get. Change and your surroundings will change; each of us shapes his or her life largely by our habitual attitude.

As I stated before, a new habit takes time; most people begin their day in a neutral state, they will simply react to whatever faces them, these are the people of our environment. That’s why it’s so important for us to control our attitudes. William James said, “Human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes.” Gratitude and expectancy are the best attitude. It’s sincerely up to you, and you’re the one responsible for it. Don’t take a defensive doubtful attitude toward yourself and others, a poor attitude is a magnet for unpleasant experiences. We get what we expect and our outlook on life is a kind of paint brush and with it we paint our world. It can be bright and filled with hope and satisfaction or it can be dark and gloomy. The world we experience is a reflection of our attitude.

Nowadays, everyone is waiting for people to be nice to them – well if you want so, be nice to them. Don’t sit in front of a cold stove waiting for the heat, instead, put in the fuel, act first, I mean it has to start somewhere.

Life could be a double edged sword, it can of course be filled with many difficult choices that we sometimes feel overwhelmed by, but on the other side, there’s the suspense of knowing that we have more opportunity than even before to change things. Yet, one of the main obstacles to change is ourselves. Sometimes, we struggle in making decisions because of listening to that deep voice inside of us, the voice that Dr. David Fong called “the negative command center”.

One common element resisting change in our negative command center, is what would people think of it, a lot of times we are faced with “what would everbody think of me?”, or “I don’t want to make a fool out of myself”, right? Inside us, there is a big chunk of worry related to our entourage, and seldom, it’s people whom we don’t know, and who don’t even know we exist, or care about us. Other internal statements by this command center, and so negative are they: “I’ll never find time”, “It’d cost a million”, “what if everything goes wrong?”, “it’s just too much effort”, and a million other statements.

We rationally and deliberately flag these statements with a very nice and logic name, we call them “THE VOICE OF REASON”, we like to think of it this way.

While the voice of reason can be so reasonable in a lot of times, like for example telling us it is not a good idea to jump off a balcony, or not to walk in front of a moving car, it applies simple logic, hence, if something could result in harming us, it will instruct us to avoid it or not to do it. The decision here is based on evidence, facts and reality. We don’t blindly walk in front of a moving car because we have evidence that we’ll be hit by this car, we don’t drink bleach because we have learnt that it will make us very ill. So, the voice of the reason is always supported by strong evidence coming from acquired experience and learning throughout our life.

The difference with the “Negative Command Center” is that while the “Voice of Reason” is based on reliable evidence, the second is based on guesses, supposition and often fear. Our human brain is very good at guessing what might happen next, like for example, while driving the car, we act according to the guess of what might be around the next bend. But at many other times, we are simply terrible at it and we follow our own awful advice, on the basis of little or no evidence. And what’s even worse, is that we often act upon the feeling that something horrible will happen to us from which there will be no recovery if we even think of making change.

Both sources started in our brains far back while we were children, do’s and don’ts, “don’t put your finger in the electric plug, you’ll get hurt”, “Don’t stare at the sun, you’ll damage your eyes” etc… These commands are based on valid experience, collective learning throughout ages from grand parents to parents to us. Valid experience, valid information and valid evidence, and we, as children, carry these instructions around with us, we find them useful and in lot of times, vital to surviving. As we grow older, we develop our own laws about the world according to our own experience and learning, laws that are similar to those laws, and that are generally pretty accurate, like if we don’t study, we are going to do bad in our exams and eventually fail the subject, later, if we don’t go to work on time, we’ll be fired. While this is logic, and evidence based, we later find out a lot of people walking in late, and never get fired, and similarly a lot of schoolmates who never have been seen studying, acing exams.

But back to the childhood phase, was an extremely difficult task called parenting from the other side, for every adult to grow a child, parenting is without question the hardest job; hence, parents tend to cross the border of evidence and logic based statements, to being overprotective and making statements such as: “Don’t carry these plates, you’ll fall and break them, and get hurt”, “Don’t drive the bicycle, you’ll fall and hurt yourself”, and soon enough they get past the do’s and don’ts, to reach “Don’t be silly” , “what a stupid idea”, “you think this is funny?”. We carry these statements a lot of times within reaching adulthood, and this is where the negative command center strikes internally, “you can’t talk to her, she’s out of your league”, “you won’t succeed in this, can’t you see the competition?”, “don’t speak, you’ll sound silly”.

One Comment

  1. April 4, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    Well written Hady. Keep the right character shaping the right actions !

Leave A Comment